Monday, October 21, 2013

On Dollman vs Demonic Toys



You know, thinking back on it, the toys were idiots in this movie. Now, in the first movie, the demonic toys were pretty cool. They were stealthy and brutal and killed a lot of the cast. Hell, Oopsy's response to a flamethrower hitting him was to talk smack and come back five seconds later and kill a girl. Their kill of the Security Guard was utterly brutal and you also had The Master pulling mind screws all over the place and those gas mask bicycle girls. Yeah they were weird.


And then came Dollman vs Demonic Toys.

The movie starts with a random bum falling over, hitting his head and dying and his blood brings back the toys. They troll Judith, get away from her and hire the midget security guard to bring victims in for them to kill to make them and their Master stronger.

Meanwhile, Judith goes and finds Brick Bardo (Dollman) to ask for his help. Nurse Ginger (Bad Channels) comes along to help.

So they go to the warehouse, there are firefights and the Robot Toy kills Judith and Brick kills it. Now granted, I would have preferred a longer shootout, but it's all good. As Dollman established, Brick's gun has crazy firepower. So after more fighting and chase scenes, Oopsy gets the jump on Bardo in the vents and Oopsy just owns him. He punches Brick and sends him flying out of the air vent. Brick falls to the ground and lands next to a tied up Ginger. Just as Brick is getting up, Oopsy jumps down and smacks him again and KO's Brick.
And no, Brick is not just down for a few seconds, I mean he is OUT. How out of it is he you ask?




By the time Brick wakes up, he and Judith are now in the middle of the warehouse, Brick has strings wrapped around his hands and feet, the strings are attached to remote controlled cars, Oopsy found the remote for both of them, Ginger is tied up with ribbons to an alarm clock, Oopsy has a record player all set up to play and has found a Ginger sized nighty to put on her later. I also see scissors, which means they had time to go find scissors to cut strings and ribbons as well. Oh yeah, and they had time to hide Brick's gun in a different section of the warehouse.
Brick wakes up and instead of just killing him in any one of dozens of ways they had available to them now...Oopsy monologues...and monologues and monologues: Giving the backstory of their Master and the story of the first Demonic Toys AND gives his evil plan (Rape Ginger so that their Master can reborn inside her and burst out as a full grown demon) ...all the while, Ginger is very obviously untying herself and they still don't stop her. Oopsy only puts the cars into full speed when Ginger is already free and saves Brick.

Soooo.....why not just KILL BRICK? I mean, he was not needed for their plan and they had won the battle the moment they knocked him out. Instead of wasting time with all of the above, Oopsy could have just snapped Brick's neck. Ginger was pretty dang tied up, so she wouldn't be able to do anything. Then the toys could have just hung out until midnight and proceeded with the evil plan.

Instead...they go Bond Villain on us. After Brick escapes, they send Zombitoid (The Action Figure looking dude) after Brick. Brick fends him off with a mini hockey stick he picks up for a moment before Zombitoid just...walks into an electric socket. Brick doesn't even knock him into it or trick him, Zombitoid just walks right into it.
Brick proceeds to blow away Jack-Attack after finding his gun. Which, by the way, also still has all of it's bullets in it.

Then he tracks down Oopsy and after providing a distraction, Ginger kicks Oopsy in the balls and Brick blows him away.

Now, don't get me wrong, it's for the best that they won. Ginger is a good woman, nobody wants that to happen to her...but the whole thing shouldn't have just been handed to the heroes as blatantly as it was.
That's all I'm saying.

2 comments:

  1. If there is a pet peeve I had concerning VS crossover movies it's humans being involved in it. Sometimes it ruins the enjoyment, Freddy vs Jason for example.

    Now some VS crossovers aren't all bad. King Kong vs Godzilla for one. Although one has to ignore the blatant fridge logic concerning that to enjoy it.

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    1. Also, AvP.

      But yeah, sometimes it's best to focus on the throwdown.

      So, how would you have written this battle?

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